Those Sacred Moments

Don't you love it when God reveals things to you at random times?  Like when He reminds you that He loves you and cares about you and wants fellowship with you with a song or a verse or a sermon or a book.  Or when He reveals an opportunity for you to serve Him by using someone to invite you to an event.  When God reveals things to us it is a sacred moment.  It is beautiful.  It is gentle.  Most of the time.  Yesterday God showed me something.  This time it wasn't so gentle or beautiful or sacred. It actually hurt pretty bad.

Last night my wife and I were being dropped off at home by her parents after an evening of grocery shopping.  We were tired, ready to be home, ready for some sleep.  But before heading into the house we had to get the bags from the bed of the truck.  My father-in-law had stopped at Lowe's that evening and picked up some lumber, which was resting in the truck bed with the groceries, long pieces of wood hanging past the tailgate, at about eye level.  I dodged the wood and grabbed some bags but on the way back around the truck, toward the house, it's like my brain just stopped working and I forgot all about the big pieces of lumber protruding from the truck right in front of me.  I ran into those 2 by 4's without stopping and everything went black.  After I recovered from the shock I slowly walked inside, hid my face, and put away the groceries, my face still stinging.  I avoided the bathroom for as long as I could, hoping that it had just been a dream, that I hadn't really stupidly run into big, long pieces of wood that were clearly in my line of sight. 

When I finally took a look in the mirror I wasn't surprised to see cuts and scrapes and redness from my forehead to my upper lip.  It looked like I had an imprint of a board in my face and that, mixed with the embarassment of the whole situation, made me angry.  I spent the next thirty minutes frustrated and upset and feeling stupid.  I was rude to my wife.  I was mad about the embarassment I would feel today at work, or tonight at family night.  I was not happy at all.

Then I took a shower.  God usually visits with me while I'm in the shower.  There is something about the water that seems to invite His presence.  Last night was no different.  While standing there in self pity and body wash, I suddenly realized that God had just punched me in the face.  He allowed me to hit that wood with my head and face that embarassment in order to destroy a monster in my life.

Pride.

I always considered myself to be a humble person.  I don't brag.  I don't like being the center of attention.  I don't like talking about myself that much.  But last night I learned that my pride has been revealing itself in more subtle ways for some time now. I was reminded of how often I want to be noticed, to be attractive, to be liked and admired - in the way that I dress, the car that I drive, the way that I preach, even in the design of this blog.  Pride has crept in and corrupted so many areas of my life in such subtle ways that I never noticed.  Last night, in the shower as I was thinking about this, I was reminded of how many times these things happen.  It seems like every day I do something or think something or want something that is driven by pride.  And that is a sin.  And that sin is why I believe God put the smack down on me.

When faced with the pain and embarrassment of my little "incident" I felt stupid.  I felt like a loser.  I felt like I wasn't a real man because I don't pay attention to lumber lying around.  I felt like a blind idiot who can't see where he is going.  I felt pathetic.  And all of these feelings completely ruined any ounce of pride that existed in me.  I was reminded that I am essentially nothing.  I am just a man whose life will one day be over, who isn't better or smarter or more attractive than anyone else, who isn't as important as I like to think I am.  And that's ok now.

Now that I think about it, I guess God's revelation last night was something sacred.  It taught me to let go of pride, to stop thinking so highly of myself, and to stop judging others.  It was a sacred moment.  And even though today I have scratches all over my face and I can't stand to look in the mirrow, I guess I can say that it was still beautiful, because God spoke. Clearly. And this time I'm listening.