When Life Flies By

Tomorrow is my birthday.  Usually it's not such a big deal, but this year is different - this year, I am turning 25.  A quarter of century has flown by and now I am preparing to pursue the halfway mark.  It's a little overwhelming for me.  I feel like I shouldn't be 25 yet, like I'm not old enough to be 25, if that makes any sense.  I feel like it has come up too quickly, like maybe I accidentally passed over some years along the way and really I should be younger.  At the same time, though, I feel relieved, because the last twenty-five years were a little messy.  In a way, I'm looking forward to the next twenty-five, hoping that I can do better and not mess things up so much.  So, like I said, this birthday is a little overwhelming.

The thing about it that weighs most heavily on my heart, though, is this sobering realization that I am not doing what I wanted to be doing by this point in my life.  I always wanted to be married and have a good job, and I have succeeded in both of those areas, but the question I keep asking myself is, "Is this it?  Isn't there more to life than just living?"  That sounds weird but here is what I mean:  I wonder if my life right now is what it should be.  I wonder if there is more that I can and should be doing, if my life is having an impact on the world.

A few years ago, I decided to give my life to the ministry.  I went to Bible College and began pursuing that life goal - to preach and minister to people and make a difference in this world until the day I die.  I graduated from college two years ago, and it seems like since then things have just been standing still.  Sure, I have a ministry at my church with the kids, but even in that I am not making my life count.  I have realized lately that I am just living and am no longer chasing dreams.  And that realization saddens me.

So, I want my next twenty-five years to start counting.  I want to start making a difference in the world, even if that world is just here in Junction, Texas.  I don't want to stand still anymore and just make a living.  I want to dream again, like I did when I was a little boy.  I want to pursue my calling like I did when I was in Bible college.  And I want to encourage other people to never give up on their dreams, to not let their lives go to waste, but instead to make a difference in this world.  Twenty-five years goes by quickly.  Before I know it, I will be fifty.  My prayer is that by then, I will have done something big, something to change the world, wherever it may be.